10.05.2017

Creating a Home of Order

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A note from Jen:
Have you been wondering why you set routines and systems up in your house and they never work? Do you long to have your day flow without too many distractions, meltdowns, and forgotten appointments?  So want to have a closer relationship and open communication with your family? Let’s be honest we all do! I know I did and still want to improve in this area. That is why I am very happy that I was prompted to write and record this mini-series “Creating a home of Order.”
When I was prompted to write and record on this topic I knew it was because we had just made some large strides in finding and creating order in our own home. I did not think though it was going to be a test for me.  One thing you may not know is that every post, video or printable I create is researched, planned, and done by me. I am solo act here at Family and Finance Success. When I get inspiration for a post or series I research the daylights out of it so I can make sure I am as informed as I can be to help you. For this series, most of the research came from The Bible and my own families past mistakes and successes.
It was funny when the original post date for this series came up and I had to practice what I teach…We had a very long and busy week. One expectation of creating a home of order is that your family comes before work. So I had to postpone the series!  God was making sure I truly have these principals down I suppose.


Part One:
The First step to creating a home of order is actually 3 and is never really finished.
So what is it? The Husband and Wife have to be on the same page.

How do you get on the same page? Well, that is the tricky part. For years, I mean YEARS my husband and I were two parallel lines. We lived our own lives with hopes of ending up in the same place. This is not how marriage should be but it is very common. When we did decide to cross paths it ended in more turmoil than what it was worth. So we kept our distance and marched on loving our children and trying to live with order and peace.

Finally, things got to the point that we were basically roommates living with each other. Our needs; emotional, physical, spiritual or otherwise were not being met but we still pushed through because we loved each other and our family.

When things got to a breaking point I went to a popular passage of scripture for women Proverbs 31. I thought it might shed some light onto what I could do better in my marriage and promote a home of order. What I found was a lot about how a wife and a husband should function. So I decided to read Genesis 2:24

Therefore a man should leave his father and his mother and cling to his wife, and they shall become one flesh.
Tweet: Therefore a man shall leave his father and mother and cling to his wife, and they shall become one flesh. @familyfinance4u

This is a series of steps that spouses should take in marriage.
1 Leave your Father and Mother
2 Cleave to your spouse
3 Become one Flesh.

Leaving our parents was something we personally did a long time ago. We are not dependent upon them for money or emotional needs. This, however, could be your first step in creating a home of order!

The second step is to cleave to your spouse. To cleave means to be best friends, to cling or keep close. In the video, I talk about this in more detail. But this is the step my husband and I needed to take. Again we were two parallel lines we didn’t depend on each other for encouragement or emotional needs and it showed 14 years into our relationship. It was like living in survival mood All. The. Time.

The third step is to become one flesh. This would be like taking the parallel lines, having them intersect and then merge together into one line. Your thoughts will never be the same or your actions but you don’t do anything without having the others best interest in mind. You are sensitive to the other’s needs, wants, desires, and want to be there for each other. You challenge each other to do better and better and resolve conflict instead of letting it eat at you. This is the ultimate marriage and something that will always be a work in progress.

Once I realized that we needed to cleave to each other there was some chaos. My husband had known this for a long time but I was the reluctant one. I am a bit stubborn believe it or not. So we did a couple things to help this process along.

1. We sought marriage counseling.
2. We read the 5 Love Languages by Gary Chapmen
3. We became prayer partners
4. We serve together in our church as much as possible
5. We came together and did a bible study
6. We Wrote each other handwritten notes

These steps may be different for you but I highly recommend seeking an outside mediator for this process. It really can be a messy time because you are embarking on new territory! Mentors are also a great option. The top priority for this step is to literally cling to each other. It doesn't have to be sickening. I was so refreshing to feel like we had one another back and that we cared about each other I didn't even care it if was sickening!

You may be wondering what just happened, you thought you were getting a blog post on routines or organization to help create order in your home. Well, the truth is, order starts from the top and trickles down. When your children see you and your spouse getting along and being a team they will be more willing to stick to things and contribute.

Next month we will be talking about what happens when you become one.
Don’t miss any parts of this series Subscribe to the F & F Pulse or The Family & Finance Success Youtube Channel.














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